what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I had to cum in my sink.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
