i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
