Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
