I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize