My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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