let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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