Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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