1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
