The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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