Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
