No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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