Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woke up backwards on a recliner
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
