the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
