Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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