this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize