is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
