did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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