I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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