found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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