we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
