I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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