it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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