Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
