We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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