And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you have to choose: penises or morals?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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