it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
