I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize