You just made me feel so damn special
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
