Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
