I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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