Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
His hands were made for my vagina.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
