My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
