I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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