Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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