i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
