Kiss
Puke
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
