So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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