I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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