My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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