You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize