I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
