I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
