Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
