There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
