But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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