i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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