We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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