1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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