I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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