Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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