oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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