It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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