i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
