So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
COCAINE IS GR8
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
