I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
