the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
