sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize