You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
