Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
