Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
