She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
