Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
