i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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