new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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