I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
