Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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